Stupid. Impulsive. Wonderful.

For Leese and Alain.




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Khajuraho

I am walking into your game, with all senses open. Cherish me by breaking the rules that embody me and you.

On her last day, the sky was ever so close. It looked like the first dawn of the world.

"Every one needs a place to call their own, no matter who they are. I hope you'll remember that you'll always have refuge here."

He opened his home to her. He opened his heart.

Sanctuary.

------------------------------

"A gift."

"It's beautiful." The stones seemed to glow beneath the dark hollow of his cupped palm. His fingers ghosted over the configuration of the enamels. A few strands of her hair were caught in it.

Silk on stone.

Who do I wear it for?

You'll know, just as I did.

She watched as he sighed and closed his hand over it. She would never tell him the story behind her gift, what it meant to give it away.

----------

My dear.

Do not be afraid. Do not move. Do not speak. No one will see us. Stay as you are. I want to look at you. We have tonight to ourselves and I want to look at you. Your body over me, your skin, your lips.

Close your eyes. No one can see us and I am here at your side.

Do you feel me?

When I touch you for the first time it will be with my lips. You will feel the warmth but you will not know where. Perhaps it will be on your eyes. I will press my mouth to your eyes and you will feel the warmth.

Open your eyes now my beloved. Look at me. Your eyes on my breast, your arms lifting me, letting me slide onto you. My faint cry. Your body quivering.

Who could ever erase this moment? There is no end to it, don't you see? You will be forever be throwing your head back, I will forever be shaking off my tears.

This moment had to be. This moment is and this moment will continue from now until forever.

What we were meant to do, believe me my love, we have done it forever.

( And if it serves your happiness, do not hesitate to forget this woman, who now says --

without a trace of regret --

Farewell. ) *











*The Letter from Silk, by A. Baricco, adapted by Francois Girard

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Mulholland Drive

Ti volti e vedi la tua vita
come la scia di un'elica...

"He loves evenings like this, when the sky is clear."
"Romantic young fellow."
"That's not why I love him. He also loves it when it rains."
"Melancholy young fellow."
"That's not why I love him."
"Then why?"
"Maybe no reason is even needed. I just do. But...it doesn't matter anymore."

Te voglio bene assai
ma tanto tanto bene sai
e' una catena ormai
che scioglie il sangue dint' e' vene sai...
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Cafe Hugo, Paris

Someone who feels less may be able to say more.

She knew they were both trying, even as the awkward silence between them yawned wider.

It'd never been like this, she thought sadly.

"So...have you settled in ok and all?"

"I'm starting to find out how atrocious my French is, but other than that I'm just dandy."

----------------

"I'd like to see you home, you know, if I may," he coughed slightly, flustered.

She shrugged. "I'm walking back to my place."

"Then you won't mind if I accompany you. I hear there are disreputable people around these parts trying to take advantage of pretty young ladies." He fell into a step beside her when he saw that she wasn't going to refuse him.

"And how do I know you're not one of them?" She was amused now. It was so like their usual banter in the past. Almost.

He winked. "You don't. You're just gonna have to trust me."

They walked all the way in near silence. He stole quiet glances at her, his jaw working. She tamped down the urge to fidget, forcing herself to relax.

-------------------

She was standing with her back half-turned to him. She can’t see his face. She doesn’t want to see his face.

She reached up and rubbed her arm nervously. "I understand why you're here. You have the right to know if you can move on and if I didn't make myself clear the first time, when I --"

His hands came over her shoulders. "That's not why I'm here. I suppose it'd be less awkward if I came up with a whole bunch of reasons why I came, but all I really have now is that I just wanted to see you." She heard him sigh because he was so close. "I couldn't stay away."

His hands dropped and she shivered, instinctively missing the loss of warmth.

"Goodnight. Get some sleep."

"Wait," she heard herself say around the knot in her stomach. She turned around and faced him. "Have a late breakfast with me tomorrow. Same place we're at tonight. They make very good crepes. You should try the one with the Grand Marnier--"

He smiled genuinely for the first time that evening. "I'll be there."
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San Francisco

"Stop following me around! Leave me alone!"

"I don't want to. Now open this door before I break it down."

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Then let me in so you don't have to find out."

"You have some nerve --"

"You're late to dinner."

"So? Like that's any of your business?"

"I'm making it my business that you don't starve yourself. Here's a deal, let's get something to eat first and you can pick a fight with me about my lack of manners later. Fair enough?"

"Fine. But I really don't like you stalking me."

"I'm merely being observant. There's a difference."

"This--this isn't a date. I hardly know you."

"You can call it whatever you want, but I'm treating."

"You're bad for my morals, you know."

"You have no idea."

---------------------------------------

"Hey girl, good news. You have a date."

"No I don't."

"You do now. I took a call from that guy you met in San Francisco. He thought I was you and I was bored so I played along. Anyway, he said he just lives nearby, so if you could be ready in an hour--"

"Leese! You didn't."

"Well, I'll have you know, he's very persistent. C'mon, I'll help you pick out an outfit. Your Saturday night just got interesting."



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Marseilles

Look how the pale queen of the silent night
Doth cause the ocean to attend upon her,
And he, as long as she is in his sight,
With her full tide is ready her to honor.
But when the silver wagon of the moon
Is mounted up so high he cannot follow,
The sea calls home his crystal waves to moan,
And with low ebb doth manifest his sorrow.
So you that are the sovereign of my heart
Have all my joys attending on your will;
My joys low-ebbing when you do depart,
When you return their tide my heart doth fill.
So as you come and as you do depart,
Joys ebb and flow within my tender heart.

~ Charles Best

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The usual wistfulness in their actions at the end of his visits has bled into something else. It lingers in their linked hands, the careful pauses between their words.
"See you soon."
"See you sooner."
There is a certain distance from which a person's other features blur into just a single gaze. The blue in his eyes is all she sees before he relinquishes her to the world.


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Los Angeles

"So?"
"So...what?"
"What do you think, you know, of him?"
"Definite upgrade. I guess I'll hold off calling you jerk-magnet behind your back this time."
"You use that term a lot when you want to make a point about anything in my lovelife. Not that you pay attention."
"That's how this cookie crumbles in this family, big sis. Everyone gets the third degree."
"And you don't ever let me forget it, even when times are good."
"Nope."
"And I can still beat you up and call you a dork."
"No shit."

-------------------

"I didn't expect lunch to be so much drama. I mean, I eat lunch, I just don't lunch, you know, as a verb."
"Don't worry, honey. Just think of it as a broad stroke meeting."
"You mean execute or get executed."
"Don't you have your work all cut out for you now. It's really not a big deal."
"I'm sorry. I don't want to make it sound like it's so much work, but...I just know what I'm not, okay, and I'm no good at this kind of thing. But I'll do it, for you."
"I somehow get the feeling that I'll always be in your debt."
"But you are. And I intend to collect, like, right now."

--------------------

"Mmpphh...what time is it?"
"It's an hour before sunrise. The night weeps at its spirit's breaking. Just the perfect time for a parting. Coffee's ready."
"Thank you, but I'd rather take tea right now. I'll go ahead and make it."
"Your boy called. He'll be here in an hour. I'd better take out the Cassis and start making ice cubes."
"You're becoming overly fond of him if you're willing to spike his water this early."
"He's a good boy. An old lady can't complain."
"I'm glad you approve."
"I was in love too, once upon a time. He was very handsome too."

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